Today I woke up feeling fine. I was looking pretty good too. I got to work, things were normal and suddenly my stomach starts cramping. It’s not painful at first, more annoying than anything. Then the cramping moves from annoying to really painful and I feel like I’m going to barf. I scooted over to the breakroom and collapsed into the first chair I see, never mind that someone put their jacket there. I put my head between my knees— never mind that I’m wearing a skirt today. It was suddenly unbelievably hot and I began to sweat. I’m dizzy as hell, feeling like crap and thinking that I’m going to expire right here at work.
People began to ask me if I feel ok. No, I told them, hoping they’d leave it at that. What’s wrong, they asked and I can barely summon the strength to tell them I feel like I’m going to pass out. I figure I better head to the bathroom in case I explode. I made it there and took a seat, hoping I’m not found dead in the bathroom at work. Please don’t let me die in the bathroom, I mumbled to myself, between moans.
Some time passed and I concluded I better get myself home where I can lay down and possibly die in peace in my own bed. I managed to get myself back to the break room, passing a mirror on the way there. I saw myself and the phrase “death warmed over” flashed in my head. I’m pale, I have dark shadows under my eyes and my lips are bloodless— they’re the same ghastly whitish-grey color of my face.
I consider calling someone to pick me up, because driving home seems like a silly idea. My options are limited and as I tick them off in my head, no one is available. No one can come rescue me, I have to do this myself. I decided to be strong, brave the pain and just get home. I grabbed what seemed like armfuls of coats, my bag, my extra long scarf, the blazer I stripped off because of the dizzying heat. I fished out my car keys and made my way to the parking lot. I remembered my lunch bag left in the fridge back in the break room and decided going back for it was lunacy.
I ghosted to the car, tossed all of my shit into the passenger seat and tried to force myself to see straight. All I really wanted to do was lay down, as slouching over to the right on my pile of shit was not comfortable in the least. The sun warmed my still dampened skin and I felt one degree better for the friendly light. I twisted the keys, navigated the thankfully short distance home, let the dog bark at me and stumbled to my room. The wet clothes came off, pjs wrested on, and I crawled into my bed.
Success! Death can find me. I’m under the warm covers in a pool of benevolent sunlight. I feel like I’ve won as sleep creeps over me.
