JOAN is a middle-aged lady, with wild, frizzy hair that is dyed a strange reddish-orange hue. It puffs out around her head like a corkscrewed cloud. She wears thick glasses and carries a tiny, over-stuffed purse. She gives the impression that she’s in a hurry, speaking quickly and moving jerkily, yet seems to take a long time to decide on anything. One would assume she is a cat lady; a typical ensemble consists of sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt. This is a real interaction I had. JOAN is a real person.

JOAN: Where are the hot pants?

ME: Excuse me?

Hot. Pants.

<blank stare>

You know… shorts. But dressy ones!

<I point some out.>

After a few minutes… JOAN: Ok, I think these are good. The mediums kind of ride up in the back. They’re not supposed to do that, huh?

…no

What do you think? Can I wear these with a nice top? For when I go to clubs?

uh…

And what do I wear under them? Tights? Would you go with fish nets or solid stockings.

!!! um! <fumbling for time> yeah… oh like sheer black tights or opaque?

She thinks. Seems not to know what opaque means. JOAN replies: Yeah, solid black.

…sure

Alright. I like these. I’m going to get two pairs.